The Best Part of Me

The best part of having a daughter is seeing you in another person. The worst part of having a daughter is seeing you in another person. What do you do when those two parts are a complete juxtaposition to one another? What do you do when you want to cultivate one part and annihilate the other part?

The Shopping Cart

As we, my daughter and I was getting a shopping cart at Target she asked if she could get in the buggy that requires you to push with the force of an ox. You know the cart you use when you have multiple small children; yep, that one. To which I replied, “No ma’am, I’m not about to push that!” Her response to me required an immediate retreat back to the car so there would be no video surveillance of what was about to go down.

I told her I would pulverize her!!! She looked at me in bewilderment. I asked, “Do you know what pulverize mean?” She shook her head no. I replied, “It means, I will crush you to dust and blow.” *As I gave her a visual of me blowing in my hand*

In hindsight, I realize that was overly dramatic; but in that moment, all I saw was a strong-willed little person who had me all the way messed up! A person that displayed the best and worst parts of me all at once.

Where to Start?

Be careful for nothing, but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known unto God. Philippians 4:6

Istarted immediately praying for God to give me the best ways in which I couldfoster her will and determination that does not lead to self-sabotage. How do Iteach her how to activate those parts of her that would yield the best resultsin her life? How do I teach her how to garner that strength and will to also bestrong and firm all the while being meek and controlled?

Thisis something that I even I struggle with now. Being strong yet vulnerable and sensitive yet impervious. How do we findthe balance? How do I give the best parts of me to her? What does that evenlook like?

Havinga daughter has brought me so much joy. It is my strong prayer and desire to prepare her for the wilds of theworld, to teach her how to bend and not break, to stand firm in herconvictions, to command respect and authority in any situation that ispresented to her. The lessons I desire to teach her are countless andoverwhelming if I attempt to do it in my own strength.

Therefore, I took time out to compartmentalize my prayers so they would not be overwhelming, but liberating as I identify my fears and give them over to the One who knows us both the best. In doing so, I was able to identify ways in which I could I could give her the Best Part of Me.

Give Her Christ

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

Because I am so wonderfully flawed, I know the best part I can give my daughter is Christ. The best part of me is Christ, my relationship with Him, my love, my adoration and reverence of His Sovereignty. My relationship with Christ has gotten me through my darkest days. The days I did not know what my next steps were or even what they should be, He has been faithful.  The days I struggled with hurt from those I loved the most.  He has never left my side, even when I felt alone, misunderstood, and unappreciated.  Somehow, He has always been RIGHT THERE.  In my insecurities and my discouraging moments His presence has been forever the strongest force to remind me who I am and whose I am, all while catapulting me to purpose.

Idesire above all, to encourage her to know Christ for herself.  I am constantly encouraging her to pray andto speak affirmations over her morning declaring who she is in Christ.

Know Who I Am

In order to effectively instill identity, self-worth, and values into our children, we must know who we are.  Who we are in Christ, and who we are overall is inherently indicative to who we display for our children.  If I want my daughter to be self-confident and self-assured, I have to be able to display those qualities to her.  This does not mean that we are self-assured and confident at all times; that would be a lie.  However, we must be able to stand firm in who we are and how we allow ourselves to be treated.  We teach by doing, not by saying.

My daughter often imitates the smallest and largest things she observes me doing; from walking in my heels, to smearing makeup all over her face and smudging my wall with that makeup, to mimicking my worship.  She wants to be just like me.  It is my obligation to ensure what she imitates is something I desire to see.  Ultimately, she is my reflection.  It is my desire to know who I am down to the deepest fragments of me, so the image that stares back at me is one I can be proud to see.

Don’t Perpetuate My Fears and Insecurities

Myfears and insecurities does not have to be hers.  They will not be hers.  As mothers, as parents we often worry aboutour kids facing the same or similar struggles that we had.

I struggled with weight as a child and as an adult.  The one thing I did not want my daughter to encounter was insecurities associated with being overweight.  I made a secret declaration that she would be a strawberry eating, broccoli-toting toddler who would shunned the very thought of junk food.  She would have no refined sugar and she would drink nothing but water and almond milk!

The Realization

Inmy attempt to shield her from what my reality was, I was keeping her away fromthe simple joys of childhood.  I rememberso vividly, at about 3 years old she spent a few days with my sister.  When she came back home she had a snack bagthat included a Little Debbie oatmeal pie. My baby face lit up as she exclaimed, “Mommy, these are delicious!”  Though I recount this memory with laughter, Irealized that I had been depriving her of a simple childhood indulgence.

Naturally, I desire for her to live a healthy lifestyle, inside and out.  However, left unchecked I could have unknowingly created an insecurity in my own child.  Thought, I desire her to be healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually, projecting my insecurities onto her could have had detrimental, long-lasting affects.

Give Her Grace

But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. James 4:6

From the age of about two years old, Skylar and I have been ‘debating’ about her shoe selection. At a very early age she has been vocal about her fashion choices.  This threw a monkey wrench in my plan of having a living, breathing, walking baby doll to dress just like me! This was heartbreaking! *insert overly dramatic gif*

She is her own person and allowing her to express that, within reason of a five year old, is important to help foster good decision making skills.

Though the shoe example is miniscule in the bigger scheme of life.  I will not be able to make her decisions long term.  She is being prepared now to conquer the world in her own way.  I desire to keep her from making my same mistakes, but truth of the matter is she will make her own.  I pray that she hears my heart.  Experience does not have to be the best teacher. Wisdom is what I pray over her, even now.  There are some things I learned by sheer wisdom.  I did not have to travel that road, instead I avoided it.

The Grace of a Mother

And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace John 1:16

I have done some questionable things and my mom graced me through them all.  I pray that I can do the same for my daughter.  She asked me hard questions, gave me different perspectives and unsolicited advice at times; but, she also graced me enough to make decisions and live with them. She has never once said to me, “If I were you.”  She equipped me with the skills to make sound, tough decisions even when I would appear silly to the world.  She lived unapologetically herself, so that I would be able to take her life and choose to do things differently or adopt principles and values that would prove to enhance my quality of life.

What I have gathered is that God loves my daughter far more than I could ever love her.  Just as He gave His only Son for me, she was also included. He gives the same love, covering, and covenant to her.  He will be there, even when I cannot.  I am conscious to give her the best parts of me.  She inheritably will show signs of my strengths and weakness.  The “worst” part of us are our weaknesses.  Weaknesses just need fine tuning, more refined development and specialized handling that they become assets and not hindrances.

There is Hope

If you have not, I encourage you to create, teach, and recite daily affirmations with your children to help facilitate the narrative they speak over their lives.  Lastly, we must release the weight we are carrying that we must be perfect parents.  Display both our strengths and weakness so our children learn how to be successful and how to learn from defeat triumphantly.

Show them its ok to continue to develop. Because in that development, you learn how resourceful you can be, you learn how meek you can be, and how the strength of God is made perfect in our weakness. Apostle Paul writes:

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 1 Corinthians 12:9

Edited by Crystal L. Harris